U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
