hell yes lets make some ravioli
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
