somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
