my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
