oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
