Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
