did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
