Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
