I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
