i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love you. Go after that dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
