Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
