i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
