tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
