is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
