i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
