you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
