Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
