So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize