youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
