dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
