I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
