dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
