my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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