He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
