I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
