how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
