walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
