You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
