i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pants are for mortals
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