Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
