Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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