I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
