Jerry, you need to find god
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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