so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
