you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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