Small penises have feelings too.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
