There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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