at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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