Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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