Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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