i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
