Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
