As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
