I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
