Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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