Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
