he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
