Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
