Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
