I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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