I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Buhtt sex?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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