ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
