What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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