On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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