He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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