Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
