Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
