i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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