Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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