Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
