Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
