I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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