She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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