hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How's work?
Spinning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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