I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
its liver damage thursday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
