after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
